Battling Pixie. - The Inner Voice that is only in MY head.
- purlifejourney
- Apr 27, 2020
- 4 min read
Updated: May 19, 2020
For a long time I have battled with my own inner voice. It's the voice in my head that passes judgment, shakes my confidence, projects thoughts on others that aren't really there. It's that gremlin on my shoulder. Talking to me.
When it's quiet, it looks like me, feels like me and is overall pretty cute, but when it speaks it turns in to a creature that I don't recognize or like very much. My gremlin talks to me a little every day. As I launch into this new part of my life journey, she whispers in my ear more than I would like. She definitely shows up every second that I work on this blog.
You see, I am not a writer by education or trade, my goal is to inspire people; to make them think about how they can live their most fulfilling life. A life that makes you happy is a life that is full. Let me be clear, happy does not mean perfect. It actually means extremely imperfect. It is not about doing everything right. It is about doing what makes you feel good, fulfilled. It's about living YOUR best life, the way you want to live it. Being happy doesn't have to be hard when you can learn to appreciate those moments. The ones where you just feel content. They are sometimes fleeting, but I guarantee that you have many of them every day.
That voice in my head tries really hard to take those moments away, with her criticism and judgement. She still shows up, but now, with some labor, she speaks a little quieter, a little less frequently and takes up less of my time and energy. I have and am still learning to manage that inner critic more effectively but I still have a long way to go.
Here are 3 ways that I have used to help me manage MY inner critic.
1. I gave it a name, a face, a personality and characteristics. Mine is a gremlin, her name is Pixie, she is not intentionally malicious, truly thinks she is helping me, and is a complete control freak. Giving this voice a face and a personality makes her more approachable. This makes it easier for me to complete the next 2 steps.
2. I acknowledge when this critic shows up. I try to determine what her nagging voice is trying to tell me. I recognize that this judgement or conjecture is not MY opinion. You see, your critical inner voice's point of view is not real. It is a perspective that you adopted based on negative experiences in life and attitudes directed toward you that you've internalized as your own way of thinking. I respond to her. I say exactly what I want to say without concern for her feelings. For example, in response to a thought like, "Don't do that! People might think negatively of you." I could say, "I am comfortable with myself and if others have an opinion about what I am doing, I am okay with it. I am not doing this to please anyone else and that is just fine. I am at peace with who I am and I don't care what you think." Then, I tell my nagging critic to go away and leave me alone. This activity isn't meant lift your ego. It is meant shift your paradigm to be more compassionate, gentle and honest toward yourself. Our inner critic doesn't take our feelings into consideration, so we have to. That can be hard to remember to do. It takes practice and time, but little by little, progress has happened.
3. I focus on what I do want versus what I don't. To quell Pixie's voice, I have learned to focus on the end result that I want versus the result that I don't. I find that I backslide when I focus on what I don’t want. It is typically thinking about how I don't want things to end up that causes me trouble. "I don't want to fail", " I don't want people to think I'm crazy", " I don't want to screw up". I have come to realize that positive words and thoughts are powerful and they bring good energy. If you fixate on the negative of what you “don’t want”, it is likely that you’ll continue to yield less beneficial outcomes. I have worked to retrain my brain by shifting to positive words and thoughts so that it can recognize what I really want. Expressing what I really want is a critical component of this work. "I want to be successful", "I want people to understand me", "I want to learn something new". This intentional and thoughtful approach encourages me and helps me feel better about the choices that I make.
As I continue to experiment with new ways of relating more humanely to myself, Pixie continues to sit on my shoulder. She has shown up for me at many times and in many places, from personal life to my career and beyond. She still shows up more often than I would like, but I have learned how to live with her and manage her in better ways. Instead of pretending she is a villain, I might start thinking of her as a dear but befuddled friend and just maybe I'll begin to be able to laugh at her a little.
The links below are for some of my recommendations for books that have helped me along the way!
Live Fully, Dance Freely & Pura Vida!
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